A Tribute

Today I write with a heavy, yet Joyful heart. On October 29, 2021, my father-in-law, Jerry Schwarz was welcomed into the loving arms of Jesus. It's hard to believe that two months have already passed since that day. Finding the words to express my thoughts, emotions, and sentiments has been incredibly challenging, which is one reason it has taken this long to write the tribute I wanted to write at least six weeks ago.

Jerry taught me many lessons in construction and yard / plant care. He spent countless hours over the 12 years we have lived in our home, remodeling and replacing nearly everything. Between my own father and Jerry, our entire house has been reconstructed and/or refreshed. If not for many selfless gifts, we would likely not be living in our home. That being said, it is difficult to look around without being reminded of Jerry. Every room has his fingerprints, and we are thankful for that. While that is a special reminder, it also seems to prolong the grieving process. I know God is healing our hearts, and time helps as well, but some days the spiral of memories and sadness are overwhelming. Jerry also loved watching his grandchildren grow. He made it a point to come over just to play games with them, or take them out for a special treat. He loved spending time with them. Our children have known many vacations with Jerry and LuAnn, which will be cherished memories. Jerry made it his priority to attend as many of the school or sporting events that he could for each of the grandkids. He came to practices, games, and rehearsals even if he could only watch on the TV monitor in the lobby for dance. He was the embodiment of love for his grandkids. I am thankful for each moment he had with us and with our children. I will continue to choose JOY in the midst of grief because there is always something to be thankful for even through tragedy. Sometimes it is as simple as a hot cup of coffee, or the sunrise between cloudy days. Joy is always available to us if we look for it. I don't pretend to understand why grief feels so heavy and it feels easy, even comfortable, to wallow and sit in our sorrow. The choice to press on and look for the good instead of questioning things that we have no control over does not always come easy. I turn to God, allowing Him to be my refuge in times of sadness. A song by Casting Crowns says, "I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, for you are who you are no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried you hold in your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm." Praise and Worship open the doors to joy and healing. I know this firsthand. Allowing my vulnerable self to open up and praise God, regardless of the hurt I'm feeling has carried me through some of life's lowest lows. I thought this was such a foreign concept. I mean, how can I honestly praise God when I really just want to question His motives and plan? It may not make sense, but facts are facts. Life does not have to make sense, and God does not have to answer to us. He has a plan that is greater than anything we could ever imagine and I will continue to choose joy as his plans play out in my life. I place my hope in Him and choose to believe that my world is not falling apart, it's falling into place. It is my prayer that we will continue to honor Jerry's life as we lean in to God and His perfect plan.