Unspeakable Joy

 "You give me Joy that's Unspeakable, and I like it! 

Your love for me is irresistible. I can't fight it."

~Newsboys

It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that we are already nearing the end of February. Valentine's Day has come and gone. (We did have a wonderful date night out with friends on the 13th. this year. Then, Darek blessed me by helping re-organize some spaces in our home. It was like kryptonite to him, so I am really grateful he was so willing to help me.) The clock keeps ticking and each day passes like the one before. Tomorrow will come, here on earth or in eternity.

These are a few thoughts / questions that have started running through my mind lately:

*Did I live each day fully? 

*Did I intentionally love my husband or did I take for granted how hard he works each day and expect him to come home and "pitch in" without thought of his needs?

*Was I fully present for my children when they needed me or was I too busy with seemingly important tasks? 

*Did my actions reflect Jesus?

*Were my words pleasing and life-giving or was I caught up in complaining about things that really would not matter in the long run?

*Did I take time to encourage someone else or was I too focused on my own issues to reach out?

*Did I give God my first, and best of each day? Did I slip in a couple of digital devotions between my daily tasks or barely remember to sneak a prayer in before my head hit the pillow at night instead of praying throughout my day?

*Did I care for my own needs, or did I neglect the very person God created me to be in the name of "selflessness," all the while neglecting important self-care?

*Did I truly trust God to guide me, provide, and protect, or did I allow selfish worry to take over?

There are days that I do well answering these questions, excited and happy that I am living the life God has intended for me. There are other days (thankfully not as many as there used to be) when I do not answer these questions well, and I feel defeated. I do know, however, that God's grace is sufficient for me. God's grace is sufficient for YOU too! We are not called to be perfect, but we are called to love as Jesus loves, and be a light for the world. Striving to be better each day is my goal, and I hope that is evident in the way I live my life.

Health Update:

I had my follow up lab appointment last Thursday and for the most part everything looks great. I am borderline deficient in a few areas and will be adding supplements to my diet to help improve those areas. One in particular is B12, which is common with a restrictive diet like mine. I wondered when this day would come and here it is. I received a B12 shot that day and will continue to supplement probably for the rest of my life because B12 is primarily found in red meat. It is also found in chicken, but I prefer not to eat very much chicken, if any at all. Organic, cage free chicken is not inexpensive and overall just not worth it for the unsettled feeling I get eating it, knowing the potential toxins and possibilities of feeding cancerous cells with the meat proteins. One thing many people don't know is that we all have cancerous cells in our bodies. It is whether or not these cells "turn on" in our lifetime that determines a cancer diagnosis. Of course, there are many reasons this happens which I have mentioned in past posts. While I believe and know I have been healed from the cancer that was wreaking havoc on my body, I am not naïve to think that there are not other cancerous cells that need to be continually suppressed. I do not want anything cancerous to every think about finding a home in my body (or that of my loved ones). This is why I am so strict with my diet, and in some opinions probably too extreme. In the most loving way I can possibly say this, I am not seeking the approval of others when it comes to my diet. I believe God is guiding me, and I am doing everything I know to balance my diet with protein and essential nutrients. (Even though my brain still tells me that I love chocolate and donuts! Haha!) It is not easy, but when I weigh the options, it is the best option. 

I do ask that you continue praying for me as I have two upcoming procedures / tests. March 12 is my Upper Endoscopy and Colonoscopy (double whammy) for my 1 year check-up. I will also have a CT scan around that time. I expect great results and clean tests / scans, and appreciate prayers for calmed nerves as these dates approach.

If there is a way I can pray for you, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I have learned a great deal about prayer this past year, and I have a greater understanding of the power of prayer. I know that many of you continue to pray for me, and I am incredibly humbled by that. It is the power of your prayers that bring peace and healing to my body and my spirit. I could honestly ask for no greater gift.  Thank you will never be enough! 

Eat your Plants,

~Steph