The Rewind
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| The first flowers I received |
It all began on a beautiful spring day, March 26, 2020, as my husband, Darek, and I anxiously entered a clinic for my colonoscopy appointment. You may be asking yourself, why I was having this procedure, because I am technically not old enough for this yet. You are correct, however, backing up a few months, I was noticing some concerning changes in my digestive patterns. I will spare you any more details, but I decided it would be best to see a Dr. just to make sure it wasn't anything to be overly concerned about. Maybe I would need to make a dietary change, or maybe it was diverticulitis. Brock Lesnar had severe diverticulitis, and if the greatest Ultimate Fighter and WWE superstar could overcome this, I could FOR SURE overcome it too!
Fast
forward a week and we find ourselves awaiting the procedure that will give us some
answers.
My doctor came in the room after the procedure was complete, and he said "everything looks great, except one spot. The spot that has been causing this trouble is Cancer." That's not a word you ever want spoken over you!! He took a biopsy of it and sent it to the lab for confirmation, but he was certain. I was immediately referred to another office to have a CT scan, which would show if it was localized, and if there were any other "enlarged" lymph nodes. This test came back as expected with just that one spot showing, so I was then referred to see a surgeon. After meeting with him, the plan was to have surgery to remove a section of my colon and put it back together. I enthusiastically said, tell me when and where and I'm there! The sooner we could get this removed, the better!
The next morning, I dug into God's word. I found an empty notebook and began writing my story. I wrote every positive confession that came to mind and every truth I knew from God's word. I started a list of Bible verses on healing, and as my mom and friends gave me Biblical scriptures on healing, I included those as well. I wrote Jeremiah 30:17 on my closet door so I see it every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. "The Lord will restore you to health and will heal your wounds."
I did a LOT of praying, asking questions and waiting.
We had to wait about a week, as the hospitals must approve all surgeries due to COVID restrictions. Elective surgeries were no longer allowed, so my surgeon had to push this through as urgent / emergent. My surgery was not approved until the afternoon prior to the procedure. The staff had to evaluate the positive COVID cases and determine if they felt it was 'safe' for each surgical patient. Imagine, your doctor calls you and says that you are tentatively scheduled for surgery on said date, and that the clinic will call with further instructions once it is confirmed. The day prior to the surgery, the clinic calls (at 11:00 AM) with 'prep' instructions just in case surgery is approved. I was told to pick up a prescription that needed to begin at 11:30 AM. HA! Because that's easy to do, being home with children, in quarantine and working on our second day of distance learning! Let me tell you that prep for a colon resection is not a walk in the park. I was told it would be easier than the colonoscopy prep. WRONG! I think they just didn't want to freak me out. That was not fun, but by 5:30 that same evening my procedure was approved. Gah! Finally, what a relief I felt knowing that this would be over soon, and that all of the prep was actually for something.
Coronavirus has played an interesting role in this situation as I have now become high risk, and I am not allowed to have contact with anyone except the people living in my house. This makes it tricky to go to appointments and have childcare when we must be so careful to avoid infection. It means always wearing masks if we do leave the house.
The
blessings in this, are that it is not unusual for people to wear masks in
public, and the delivery services for food and grocery are more common. The
clinics are not busy so appointments have been quick and easy.
We
have also been immensely
blessed by our church family through prayer, meals, homemade masks, and
encouragement!
Now
the Big, Unanswerable question!
Why? Why would this happen? Great question! If we were protected from every trial, we would not ever learn to fully depend on God.
The
struggle doesn’t mean that God is absent, it means that He is working!
Satan
comes to kill, steal, and destroy; but take heart God has already
overcome the world. God came that I might have LIFE, and have life abundantly.
Cancer
has a name, but I know that Jesus is THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES!
The
Bible says: Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you. I believe
that!
As
many of you probably know, music is a huge part of my life, and our words have
power. The power of death and life is in the tongue, so I choose to speak life! I will sing praise
to God, despite my circumstances, because it is the best method I know to
overcome trials. I believe that God is good, all the time, no matter what!
I was recently listening to a story of someone who had gone through a health challenge and she said she was SO thankful that she had filled her heart with God's promises and scripture over the previous years, because when her trial came, the Word of God spilled out. She didn't have to search for God's truth, it was already in her heart and she could easily turn to God and stand on His promises instead of feeling hopeless and lost. This struck me, as I have diligently sought after God the past few years as well; more than just reading a daily devotion. I believe we need to have God's word rooted SO DEEP in our heart that when trials come, it is the first thing to come out instead of doubt or unbelief.
Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard
your heart, for everything you do flows from it!
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| Post Op Day 1 I had to wear a mask every time a care provider entered my room. |
On April 9th I had surgery at Abbott Northwestern Hospital to remove 14 inches of my colon. Graciously, a dear friend from church offered to come over and stay with Toby, Carina and Makaiya while Darek brought me to the hospital and waited until I was out of surgery. He was allowed to wait in the surgical waiting room, and I guess he was the only person there (for 8 hours). I saw him briefly before I was wheeled to my room (which I do not remember), and that was the last time I saw him until he picked me up two and a half days later. Our parents were not allowed to be near our family during any of this time, due to my high risk nature and the fact that both my mom and Darek's mom are nurses working in public health. The surgery was successful, and the tumor was completely removed, along with 14 lymph nodes. Glory to God that everything went well, without complication. I was able to spend a great amount of time talking to God and singing praises while I was alone in the hospital for 2.5 days. They had just implemented a zero visitor policy.
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| My first meal post-op. Delicious, right!?!?! :-) |
God wants us to
pause so He can speak to us.
Selah.
Make time for peace, to hear from God.
There is a song that has really spoken to me called, Peace be still:
Peace be
still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see
I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace….
Allow
the peace that passes understanding to be your guide!
A few days after I came home, my surgeon called with the pathology report from the section of colon that was removed. All but one lymph node came back negative (that is really good), however the one positive node has now led us toward more specialists and decisions regarding possible treatments. We know that statistics and numbers are for the natural world, and not the redeemed of the Lord. We can trust in the never changing truth of God’s word!
God's word says that in this life we will have
troubles, but take heart, for He has overcome the world.
Jeremiah
29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper
you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future!
We
were created to be over-comers, not to be overcome! In the face of trials, it is
our faith that will save us. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of
God! While I do not believe that God causes hardship or gives us cancer or
sickness / disease, he does allow these trials to strengthen our faith and
ultimately bring him glory.
“God
sees the entire trajectory of our lives. He sees not only the obstacles of
today but also the road that will lead to victory. He sees the needs we
overlook because he’s a good father!” – Abby McDonald
God's word says: Your
faith has healed you!
"What
makes faith fall apart is not doubt. It is being too certain of the wrong
things. With God there is always hope, there is always redemption, and
whatever He touches, He is able to transform." -Lysa Terkuerst
Here are a few truths I stand on:
Matthew
6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
Psalms
91:1, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow
of the Almighty.”
James
1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials
of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces
perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and
complete, not lacking anything.
God
takes what the enemy meant for evil, and He turns it for good...
I
know he is already using my story for good. I never wanted anything like this
to be my story, but it is, and I will glorify God through it.
I feel a deep sadness for those who go through trials of this life without faith in God to stand on. My heart longs to share the Word of God and His unchanging truths with those who have not yet heard. I know my strength has come from my trust in God, and understanding the truth of His word. God's word is the same today as it was yesterday. It will remain the same tomorrow. If God's word is full of promises and truths, they are actively true today, just as they were in Biblical times. God is not a liar, and I am immensely grateful that we can simply turn to Him in times of trial.
Through
it all...
God
is still God. Still Mighty. Still Holy. Still Sovereign. Still just. Still good.
~Steph
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